Adventure | spoof

Hilarious Email From A Not So Politically Correct Friend

Not So Diplomatic

Below is an email, in his exact words that I recently received out of the blue from a friend.  Personally, I think Mr. DrySack (not his real name) has a very imaginative and at times “dry sarcastic and twisted” sense of humor.  I love it. To me he is funny!

Reprisal

I won’t mention my friends real name because he fears the US government may expel him from the United States like they are doing to all those diplomat hacks from the big bad red “R” country, you know who I mean. Worse yet, the Russians might accelerate their mind control over him; forcing him to participate in their political hacking attacks and cyber bullying schemes.

Leaking The Email

I think Mr. DrySack is very imaginative with his humor. So without further doo-doo I leak to you his email verbatim as I received it. Well that is if you don’t count the hypnotic “spell” check I ran to make sure it was safe and wasn’t going to infect readers.

Well it’s official.

Russia forced the Clinton campaign to type (against their will) embarrassing information in the emails they sent each other. They never would have put the embarrassing info in their emails if the Russians hadn’t used mind control to force the democrats to be so stupid.

I myself secretly broke my neighbor’s windshield last week and yesterday I ate 3 lbs. of rabbit poop.

Ah man… The Russians just made me type that in this email.  They are evil.  If this email gets leaked, then the Russians are responsible for the things I’ve done, not me.

US expels Russian diplomats over cyber attack allegations – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38463025

-End quote.

And… that’s all folks!

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On The Mark With Markery

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!

Telling Words Of Mark…

Mark, that is me. I’m astonished by the number of meanings for the word. Especially when mark is coupled; as in markery. And you had better believe that “mark” enjoys being coupled :) That my friends is a groaning smiley chagrining humor example of, named after me of course, “Markery“.

Markery

As I define it here, “markery” is using plays on the word mark and/or words created with. It is like word grenades; tossing out words as projectile fragments of humor, innuendo, parody, puns, spoof, mockery, sarcasm, plays on words and an unashamed hearty dose of humorous nonsense. Then toss in a few Markisms (quirky things we tend to say) for good measure. Your mark has a very wide birth while making your point or telling your story. While markery may or may not be a new word, I believe I have created a new specific definition for it’s use as further defined in dribblings below.

If you are not Mark, you might not find these idioms, Markisms, and my nonsensical punnery as entertaining as I do; but if you take this type of humor and parody seriously, go ahead, bookmark this site – I dare you!

With the above being said, purely in the interest of content without benchmark of course, I offer-up a few blog lines within and below on the word, terms and phrases containing “Mark”. There is a lot to disgust… I mean discuss -:) Feel free to comment or remark (ha ha) if you have a relevant and marked opinion. Like it? Hate it? Maybe you would like to add to the list or perhaps you would prefer to contribute some content about the use of the term mark, or offer up a mark or two as part of another word or phrase. You can even submit your original Mark story and get a backlink. Please don’t forget to mark-up your draft and make corrections before you post content submissions.

On-subject remarks and contributions only will be approved. Mark my words, don’t waste your time or mine with spam – it will be trashed!

Mark

This is my name – my birthmark. I’m sticking with the name my ever so wise parents bestowed on me. I think they really hit the mark with this one. After all, it’s my calling – my trademark! Sure it has other meanings but the most important to me is the one associated with names of people, and that is where I place my checkmark of priority.

Think about this: A mark is a type of notch or marking and I have a few pockmarks to prove it. They have my name attached (coupled) so obviously the pocks are mine and do not belong to the chicken:) Every time I leave my mark here I put another notch in my belt. I’m a little on the heavy side now but I think there will be plenty of notches to go around; being that marks and notches both define forms of measurement. Who said you can’t make this stuff up?

I’m a little apprehensive about being too forthcoming with my personal information citing the concern it might make me an easy mark.:) Speaking of forth, in my day that would be just about halfway through the happy endings. I will say that I do have a middle name, although I don’t claim it. The exception would be on a few, very few because I cheat, legal documents. In most cases I think middle names detract, tarnish, and in some instances such as mine, I feel it is a black mark against me; as if my first name wasn’t colorful enough or didn’t ring sweet enough to stand on it’s own. For me I think my dislike for my middle name started when I was just a toddler. When I heard my folks holler out my first and middle names in a pitch with certain inflections, I instinctively knew I was in trouble; well that, and the fact that they only used my middle name when they were angry at me.

Being the inquisitive one that I am I managed to earn a lot of black marks. In each instance my name was mud and my day was about to turn very dark from words that did leave a mark. But in all fairness I must admit that I was not an easy Mark to raise. I left my mark on them as well.

One of my mom’s favorite stories was about the oven door. I was only 4-1/2 years old at the time but well on my way to being a handy man, so I thought. Oh, how she loved to tell that story of how I instantly made her an emotional wreck and nearly ruined her dinner party that night. My dad had called her at the last minute to ask that she prepare for special business clients he wanted to bring home for dinner. You see, she was not nearly so mechanically inclined as I thought I was. So while she raced to the corner market for some last minute ingredients to make her very best casserole I got a serious case of curiosity with how the hinges of an oven door worked. Oh yes I surely did. My timing couldn’t have been better.:)

What I didn’t know at the time was that mom was making a casserole and that she would need to use the oven immediately upon returning. While she was gone I got the tools out of the kitchen junk drawer; every kitchen has one. Then I proceeded to teach myself how to remove the screws that held the hinges and along with them came a rather heavy oven door. Actually, it fell off onto the floor. I was horrified! It was at that mark I realized I needed to get that oven door back on in a hurry before mom got back home. The door was very heavy for me but I was able to get it back up so that it would rest in place. But from there I was unsuccessful at getting the screws to align with the holes. You see the door needed to be held in just the right position to get the screw, the hinge and the oven door to align so it could be screwed back together. I was unable to accomplish that little trick with one hand on the door and the other trying to hold the hinge and screw in place. I stood back for a moment and gazed at an oven door that aesthetically looked just fine. So thinking fast, with spare parts in hand and an oven door carefully balanced and resting in place, I decided to hide the tell-tail marks of Mark’s mischief; hoping to forestall the inevitable for as long as possible. Good thing I thought fast because she walked in the door just as I finished hiding those spare parts. I raced off to my room.

I was thinking I had bought myself at least a day but it happened all too soon. The oven door had come off in her hand and fallen to the floor when she opened it for the casserole. I can still here that familiar hollering of my first and middle names preceded with a few choice swear words of course. How did she figure out it was me so fast? Mom couldn’t get the hinges back on the oven door either so she ended up cooking with the door just resting in place like I had it.:) And then when dad came home…

On a more positive note, yes I do believe that some first and middle names are just made for each other, just not mine. Take Mary Jane for example, now there is a word combo that is smokin!!! This is a name combo that can lite-up lives. There is a certain aristocratic air about it; having a wispy fragrance teaming with flavor that scores- high marks. This name combo abs-ta-tootly takes my breath away. Mary Jane has definitely left her mark on me. Speaking of left, I am left handed. Just thought you might not want to know.

On the topic of left handed, I have no idea of which side of our family or from whom I got this left handedness. I have a lot of different blood lines coursing through my veins. Let’s see, there is Scotch (a lot of scotch if you know what I mean:), Irish, German, Jewish, Polish, American Indian and a few others I don’t remember at the time of this writing. I like to say that my family ancestry is behinds 57; a blend of tall tale ingredients.

Something else about my left hand that you are not likely to guess. It’s probably not what you might be thinking. When I was a kid growing up in what was nicknamed “The Hub City” my left hand became very very good– at shooting marbles. I was getting so good I had to give the local neighborhood kids marbles just to play and lose them back to me. Eventually I had a pillow case nearly filled with 1000’s and 1000’s of marbles; I won nearly all of them. It became too heavy to carry. I also had another smaller bag with more than a 2000 shooters, agates and a bunch of rare handmade fancies. It was quite a collection! I would have won a lot more but none of the locals would play me unless I gave them the marbles and set the odds and rules in their favor. That just helped me get even better. On my way up the marble champ ladder I became the local park recreation center champ. Then went on to take 1st place at the city wide championships and then on to win multi-city competitions. Right about now you are probably thinking- this guy has lost his marbles. Well, actually I have lose my marbles! My mom threw them out…:) when I got married the first time to a fine lady and mother of my son at age 19.

Occasionally, okay frequently, I have been told that I am way off my rocker, but at least I’m seldom off my mark <--and there's another signature:)

Postmark

Pray For Peace Postmark

Pray For Peace

Wow! A term notably associated with going postal and snail mail. Logo-like postmarks, the unique stamps but not stamp cancellation marks, have kinda been the hallmark bestowed onto letters and packages from the United States Postal Service and many others around the glob for several centuries. You gotta know I’m not looking forward to this one passing me by; as in- post mark. To me a postmark is also a wee bit similar to a watermark except that it appears plainly marked on mail for all to easily see. How did my name ever get associated with postal services and the USPS? By now you are probably are not wondering how my name ever got associated with a post like this.

With the direction communication and shipping of goods is heading a memorable part of my given name heritage, may be destined for extinction as it relates to traditional physical mail. Distinctive postmarks are seemingly disappearing being replace by digitally printed labels, stickers and bar codes; absent of the recognizable artistic character and flair of historical postmarks. Personally, I find plane Jane marks sadly lacking appeal, charm and personality. It would be nice to see bar codes evolve into artistamp designs that feature events, special occasions, logos and commemorative images. Maybe they are and I just haven’t noticed.

Question Mark?

Are you asking me a question, referring to punctuation, or giving me a command or maybe just stating the obvious? I guess it depends on context and/or tone and pitch. In other words, it’s dependent on someone’s interpretation of voice inflections and whether or not they were on or off the mark, isn’t it. When you think about the subtleties of communication expressed using variations in our voices, it’s actually quite remarkable <-- and there it is :) As one of the Moody Blues albums was so aptly named: it's "A Question Of Balance" when making inflections with our voices so that we may instill the intended meaning. A little self control here wouldn't hurt either. But then, any term or word that incorporates my name is bound to gain my attention. So then my question becomes, will you keep or lose Mark's attention???

Trademark

 

Makers Mark

 

Over time this work of Mark shall be continued….

Mark’s Foot:

So now you know more about the author of this nonsense than you ever wanted.

    – Mark ( _______ ) Finley

 

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