Despite her sexy aerodynamic styling and high mpg rating, all the while delivering very feisty performance, my Ford Fiesta has serious backdoor problems. I call them the “Double D’s”. She may be easy, light on the gas, and spew little form her tailpipe, but she cannot holster her dancing rear side doors.
“These big free swinging flappers just bounce right back in your face!”
As if it’s not rude enough for her backdoor to remain wide open seat exposed, she cannot holster either of her backside passenger wing-like doors. The snatch of the latch does not catch. *See photo at end of article. Neither of my Ford Fiesta’s rear passenger doors will latch closed. Both door latches are fully “busted” and those broken car doors won’t stay shut. Short of bondage, her racy flip-flop flappers just won’t stop swaying in the breeze no matter what I try. They just won’t stay harnessed.
The Mysterious Double D-fects
My racy Ford has quite the pair of Double D’s! Double defects that is. My babe is dangerous! Her swinging “double d” troubles have the potential to kill.
You wouldn’t want to get whacked by one of her firm flappers while her 4 rough riding tread hugging rubbers stalk the road. Although she has only been riding for 35,772 miles, her endurance a virtue, my feisty Fiesta is a hazard to herself as well as others.
Here comes the mystifying part. She is such a newish 2012 Model Ford Fiesta with no accidents, a young shapely undamaged body, and no evidence of assaults, bruising, or as much as a dented gash in her vibrant blue hued skin. How did this otherwise voluptuous appearing vehicle acquire 2 malfunctioning door latch mechanisms within 12 hours of each other? Especially when you take into account that 1 backdoor saw little ingress egress activity? I can testify to the fact that fares seldom danced in and out of THAT rear door.
It seems like there is some sort of interdependent failure involved? Should I worry that if she suffers a blowout on her front left tire that to complete the job she might feel compelled to blow one of the others? If her front windshield gets smashed will her back window shatter out of sympathy?
Just imagine this bad-girl bouncing, bucking, riding the road with her flailing wings spread wide, seats exposed, knocking-up and whacking anyone in her path. Her racy wing-like doors unable to come to a close as she beckons in breezy gestures to be cuffed and bound before she injures herself and others.
Wings Bound With Straps On For Safety
With 2 rear doors unable to come to a close this feisty Fiesta was not ride worthy. My quick solution was to whip out a pair of soft braided ratchet tie-down straps with S-Hook ends and then strap-em-on my honey’s wavering wings. With the straps on her cinched-up snug her rear doors were closed to access, the dome lights turned off, and the LED in-dash door ajar warning with moaning complement disappeared.
After traveling 300 miles for a family birthday celebration on the very same morning the car doors malfunctioned (06-26-2014) my car had exactly 36,072 miles on it when I stopped in the Ford dealer service isle. That’s 72 miles out of warranty according to the out of town Authorized Ford Dealer I visited. They indicated Ford may not cover the door repairs unless they made an exception to the warranty.
As of 07-03-2014 this warranty issue is pending with Ford Motor Company under case #CAS-4651084-H7G4M8. A complaint has also been filed with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration Office of Defects Investigation, confirmation number (ODI Number) is: 10607751.
If Ford Motor Company does not correct these malfunctioning free flapping doors under warranty or safety recall I can’t help but feel that I am the one who will be taken for a ride!
While the prevailing tone of this article is satirical parody and innuendo (in-your-endo for those still with me here :) the reality of these malfunctioning defective doors is NOT at all humorous.