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Anxiety Attacks: Finley’s Guide To Cures & Treatments

Disclaimer: Folks, don’t panic! This is an experimental work of humor in progress combined with some well intentioned ideas, suggestions and advice from someone who’s only qualification is many years of experience living life! Most, well probably all, of the following unprescribed anxiety attack cures and treatments should only be attempted while in the presence of an unqualified care giver… and, only in the comfort of your home or a shelter!

Finley’s Principles & Theory For Effective Natural Anxiety Treatment And Cure

  • Do “the WORK”.
  • It’s a multi-step process.
  • Never lie to yourself again!
  • What does not kill us makes us stronger.
  • Identify and categorize all your sources and types of anxiety.
  • A single treatment or all the drugs in the world Will Not cure anxiety attacks.
  • Go easy on the drugs and heavy on treatments – “the WORK”.
  • Attacks of anxiety can be tamed through laser sharp focus, extreme anxiety conditioning (punishment), radical distraction, and active activity substitution.
  • Successful treatment and resulting long-term improvement can be achieved through combinations of brain training and reprogramming while maintaining good physical health.
  • You must train your mind and body to acknowledge and believe that YOU are in control.
  • If the following far-reaching treatments don’t make you even more screwed up they will make you stronger and even more resilient to anxiety attacks… that’s your cue – laugh.

Okay, let’s start my long winded short list of anxiety treatments with accompanying explanations, recommendations, and how to fix anxiety instructions.

Treatment #1 ) Do Yourself Right With A Good Colon Detox Cleanser

Keeping your butt happy and bowels moving is paramount to maintaining good health. You definitely want to avoid the anxiety of not being able to go #2. While there are a number of commercial, natural and not so natural, colon cleansers in the marketplace I say why not “Go” at it alone in your own home or shelter. Hey, you have to eat anyway, right. So why not just save your money and go with the flow by eating a group of foods that will surely rectify the toxic buildup on the walls of your :

I’m going to ‘pass along’ my tried and proven free-flowing personal “colonic cleansing recipe” perfected over years of experimentation with the munchies. It’s a gas! It’s a crowd teaser! Before you “Go” with my recipe be sure you have the entire day to relax, if you can relax that is, while you “complete the Job”. You’ll also want to make sure the coast is clear. I do mean the entire coast. Start your chore off in the morning by opening windows for ventilation, snuff any open flames and then consume the following foods in a single sitting.

    My Crowd Teasing Colon Cleansing Formula

  • Drink 2 full bodied 12 ounce beers, not the lite stuff.
  • Eat a healthy portion, maybe even the whole bag, of thick greasy potato chips.
  • Eat 8 to 10 ounces of plain or flavored yogurt with active cultures.
  • Eat 1 to 2 cups of chili with beans, no meat.
  • The remainder of the day snack on unsalted dry-roasted peanuts, dehydrated apricots/pears, and more beer.
  • **Note: The beer carries-out double-duty (moan). The alcohol in it relaxes you and your colon and the brew is a key active cleansing ingredient when digested further with the other items.

Your pot should start to boil in no time flatulence. After double checking for open flames, I suggest you just kickback near the john where you Will Not have the runs too far. Then wait for these carefully selected healthy ingredients to work their magic. I’m sure you will find the above recipe to be both detoxifying as well as pungently intoxicating, get my drift :)))

Treatment #2 ) Stop Lying To Yourself About Your Anxiety And Triggers

The information covered in this section deals with both the Source and Cure for Extreme Anxiety. I sincerely believe that the vast majority of extreme anxiety issues (attacks) are rooted in past traumatic events. But it’s the desperate perpetuation of “lies”, “denial” and “misinformation” we have told ourselves over time in order to cope with the unpleasant reality of those situations that is the real cause of most extreme anxiety. Sugar coated lies and denial ARE NOT an effective method or substitution for dealing with recording the memories of harsh events accurately.

LIES, MISINFORMATION, AND DENIAL forced into our conscious memory as a coping method are the TRUE SOURCES of EXTREME ANXIETY.

The human brain is an amazing and highly complicated organ. By lying to ourselves (denial) and storing that misleading erroneous information we can convince the conscious level of our mind to believe nearly anything over time. But the conscious level of our brain has a co-supervisor, the sub-conscious level of our brain. It always and forever seems to know the truth as if it is the sole gatekeeper to the “genuine” emotional and physiological portion of the details of the actual event. It seems that emotional and physiological memory at the subconscious level cannot be overwritten and is only altered or balanced through blended merger of similar experiences. The subconscious mind is a portion of memory that the conscious level of the brain cannot directly access or easily reprogram if and when it does not reasonably correspond to the actual emotional and physiological details of the event. The sub-conscious level of our brain is for the most part responsible for anxiety attacks. And so begins a potential lifetime of seemly unrelated extreme anxiety episodes caused by our two brain levels having tug-of-war arguments that manifest themselves in sometimes strange and unusual ways that defy our conscious efforts to the contrary.

The process of turning your anxiety around takes time, just as it took time to take control over a portion of your life. But if you practice and you do “the WORK” you can shorten that time considerably by comparison. The real cure is to reprogram both conscious and sub-conscious levels of your brain so they reflect more accurate records of the past while introducing more realistic conclusions, opinions and methods to cope with those traumatic realities of the past as they influence the present. Since you can’t directly reprogram your sub-conscious you must communicate with it through the conscious level of your brain. That means you must try to go back and reprogram details of past events affecting current events more accurately, honestly and introduce alternate ways to cope rather than denial and doctored versions of reality. You must allow yourself to have more accurate and more fitting thoughts, reactions and reflections of past, present and future pending events.

Think of your brain as if it were a computer hard drive. When memory files get corrupted computers malfunction. Initially the solution is simple, yet over time becomes unbelievably complicated as new information compounds and integrates on top of faulty information. As we intentionally or otherwise record events inaccurately and/or with insufficient or misleading details we are literally setting ourselves up to malfunction. This is because our future conscious memories, decisions and opinions become based on a growing foundation of misinformation, yet all the while our sub-conscious knows the truth more accurately from an emotional and physiological perspective. And so begins the perpetual cycle of conflict between the two brain levels. Each level capable of overpowering the other but in different ways. These conflicts can cause a loss of overall control. For the most part extreme anxiety attacks are caused by your subconscious level overpowering your conscious brain by using a set of your bodies physiological responses for which your conscious brain has little or no ability to control. It makes no sense for your subconscious brain to inflict this kind of harm but it is incapable of making rational decisions and believes somehow it is doing the right thing based on its limited tool set and inability to reason. Eventually your subconscious has no idea of why, it just reacts instinctively and habitually based on blended compounding faulty information.

Your goal and cure is to create harmony and balance between your conscious and subconscious levels of your mind. Mostly this is achieved by reprogramming your conscious mind to coincide with the true emotional and physiological memories of events contained within the subconscious portion of your mind. But you must also introduce and learn new methods to cope with harsh realities and store that information accurately.

    The Brain Programming Fix

  • Stop lying to yourself – never again!
  • Soul search to determine and categorize your types of anxiety and triggers.
  • Attempt to reprogram your memories and details of past events and/or situations more accurately. Particularly the ones you can identify as being linked to your extreme anxiety. There will be a long cascading stream of memories, decisions, conclusions and opinions associated with those past events which will need revision. It takes real WORK, it takes TIME, it takes DEDICATION, and it takes COURAGE to make those revisions.
  • As painful as it might be you must start from this day forward doing “the WORK” of remembering your life events as they unfold with accuracy in detail so you will avoid adding to your existing anxiety issues. Without question you will have conflicts with yourself as to how to record, categorize and form take-away conclusions of your day to day life. Some accurate details will undoubtedly conflict with “the WORK” of reprogramming past memories.

Treatment #3 ) I’m Experiencing Extreme Anxiety Right Now! What Can I Do?

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Ford Fiesta Defect: Whopper Knockers When Side Doors Open

NOTICE: Sudden Unexpected Failure Of Ford Fiesta 2012 Car Door Latching Mechanisms.

The following is intended for immediate release (07-07-2014) as a public service warning about a potential Ford Fiesta 2012 defect. Sudden and unexpected failures of Ford Fiesta car door latching mechanisms has been reported to Ford Motor Company. This author has personal knowledge that this failure has occurred in at least 1 known and verified Ford Fiesta vehicle so far. If your car door will not close or latch read this notice.

To date failures have occurred in both rear side passenger doors. Failure of these two latching mechanisms were nearly simultaneous and actually may have been. Vehicle owner believes the duplicate failures to be connected in some way. The failures were sudden and without warning. There were no pre-failure indications. No sticking, closing, shutting or latch rotation issues… just sudden latch failure for each door. Are these defective Ford Fiesta door latches a RECALL waiting to happen?

WARNING: Do NOT allow anyone to ride in your Ford Fiesta without fastening their seatbelt.

This potential highway traffic safety hazard should be taken very seriously even though further elaboration of this notice is heavy with humor.

Driving Miss Knockers

Normally we would ‘Not’ expect an otherwise smooth ultra sleek vehicle with undamaged body, that is about as streamlined as a polished and waxed bullet, to be lik’ened to sporting a pair of knockers. But in this case the bizarre fits. Those knockers really are whoppers and those whoppers really are knockers. My racy Fiesta now sports a pair of unharnessed latch-less Double D Rear Side Door Knockers due to defect. Not just one but both doors have malfunctioning door latches. Could this be a coincidence? I seriously doubt it.

When are Ford Fiesta doors NOT doors? When they are defective and remain ajar they become hit or “Miss Knockers”

Killer Whopper Knockers!

These naughty knockers can kill and make it look like an accident. What I’m really talking about here is unbridled doors engaging in free swinging backdoor action. My Ford Fiesta’s pair of flapping backside driver and passenger doors just won’t hook-up even though they swing freely. They do it without protection. They have no shame, no sense of decency, and absolutely no concern for the safety of others. This little gal is dangerous! I am very thankful that one of my grand kids was not resting against one of her trap-doors when a latch failed!

Doors On My Fiesta Refuse To Take A Siesta

Normally our experience with car doors leads us to believe they are failsafe! They shut and remain shut. They latch closed and remain closed. Undamaged car doors can be locked closed to siesta securely in place. But NOT the 2 rear side trap-doors on my Ford. Her doors are double D-fective and busted.

“Her knockers are steely hard swingers… able to whop, knock, and whack whomever and whatever is in their path”

Miss Knockers (my nick for my Ford Fiesta) is doors-out for attention. This street stalker knows how to trollop the streets. She is an exhibitionist with an uninhibited open backdoor policy. Flaunting her “Double Defective doors” she will flash and expose her rear seat to anyone and everyone while parading along the highway.


Not wanting to be taken for a ride and wanting to avoid further risk, I must look into my auto insurance policy. I need to determine whether my backdoor swingers are covered or if I need a rider to hold harmlessly against my sweetheart’s promiscuous backdoor behavior.

Bound To Achieve Temporary Fix

With behavior like this she was asking for it. So, I decided to give it to her. To let her know who’s boss I changed into my ‘mechanics uniform’ which just happens to be confidently embroidered with the name “Master“. I won’t go into details here but suffice it to say, I tied her doors closed and said goodbye to those whopper ass-kicking killer door knockers.

Warranty Repair Request

With only 35,772 miles on Miss Knockers when the door latches failed this matter is still currently (07-07-2014) in the hands of Ford Motor Company warranty request case #CAS-4651084-H7G4M8 and my closest Authorized Ford Dealer, Colorado River Ford in Kingman Arizona. A complaint was also filed with the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration) Office of Defects Investigation, confirmation number (ODI Number) is: 10607751

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Ford Defect Warning: The Mysterious Ford Fiesta Double D’s

Despite her sexy aerodynamic styling and high mpg rating, all the while delivering very feisty performance, my Ford Fiesta has serious backdoor problems. I call them the “Double D’s”. She may be easy, light on the gas, and spew little form her tailpipe, but she cannot holster her dancing rear side doors.

“These big free swinging flappers just bounce right back in your face!”

As if it’s not rude enough for her backdoor to remain wide open seat exposed, she cannot holster either of her backside passenger wing-like doors. The snatch of the latch does not catch. *See photo at end of article. Neither of my Ford Fiesta’s rear passenger doors will latch closed. Both door latches are fully “busted” and those broken car doors won’t stay shut. Short of bondage, her racy flip-flop flappers just won’t stop swaying in the breeze no matter what I try. They just won’t stay harnessed.

The Mysterious Double D-fects

My racy Ford has quite the pair of Double D’s! Double defects that is. My babe is dangerous! Her swinging “double d” troubles have the potential to kill.

You wouldn’t want to get whacked by one of her firm flappers while her 4 rough riding tread hugging rubbers stalk the road. Although she has only been riding for 35,772 miles, her endurance a virtue, my feisty Fiesta is a hazard to herself as well as others.

Here comes the mystifying part. She is such a newish 2012 Model Ford Fiesta with no accidents, a young shapely undamaged body, and no evidence of assaults, bruising, or as much as a dented gash in her vibrant blue hued skin. How did this otherwise voluptuous appearing vehicle acquire 2 malfunctioning door latch mechanisms within 12 hours of each other? Especially when you take into account that 1 backdoor saw little ingress egress activity? I can testify to the fact that fares seldom danced in and out of THAT rear door.

It seems like there is some sort of interdependent failure involved? Should I worry that if she suffers a blowout on her front left tire that to complete the job she might feel compelled to blow one of the others? If her front windshield gets smashed will her back window shatter out of sympathy?

Just imagine this bad-girl bouncing, bucking, riding the road with her flailing wings spread wide, seats exposed, knocking-up and whacking anyone in her path. Her racy wing-like doors unable to come to a close as she beckons in breezy gestures to be cuffed and bound before she injures herself and others.

Wings Bound With Straps On For Safety

With 2 rear doors unable to come to a close this feisty Fiesta was not ride worthy. My quick solution was to whip out a pair of soft braided ratchet tie-down straps with S-Hook ends and then strap-em-on my honey’s wavering wings. With the straps on her cinched-up snug her rear doors were closed to access, the dome lights turned off, and the LED in-dash door ajar warning with moaning complement disappeared.

After traveling 300 miles for a family birthday celebration on the very same morning the car doors malfunctioned (06-26-2014) my car had exactly 36,072 miles on it when I stopped in the Ford dealer service isle. That’s 72 miles out of warranty according to the out of town Authorized Ford Dealer I visited. They indicated Ford may not cover the door repairs unless they made an exception to the warranty.

As of 07-03-2014 this warranty issue is pending with Ford Motor Company under case #CAS-4651084-H7G4M8. A complaint has also been filed with the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration Office of Defects Investigation, confirmation number (ODI Number) is: 10607751.

We can:
harness the horsepower of a stallion,
harness the energy of a scorching sun,
harness the power of wild raging rivers,
but Ford cannot seem to get it right harnessing my feisty Fiesta’s pair of Double-Defective swingers.”

If Ford Motor Company does not correct these malfunctioning free flapping doors under warranty or safety recall I can’t help but feel that I am the one who will be taken for a ride!

Author’s Note:
While the prevailing tone of this article is satirical parody and innuendo (in-your-endo for those still with me here :) the reality of these malfunctioning defective doors is NOT at all humorous.

Photo Of Defective Ford Fiesta 2012 Door Latch

Defective Ford Fiesta 2012 Door Latch

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