How To Keep A Butt Happy
As any experienced bloat will tell you, keeping your ass happy and bowels moving is important to maintaining good health and an upbeat attitude. You definitely want to avoid the sluggish stopped-up feeling of not being able to go. While there are a number of natural and chemical cocktail colon cleansers in the marketplace I suggest you “go” about it in the comfort of your home with my special all natural formula.
We all have to eat anyway so why not spend your money on food items rather than some formula in a bottle or box. Make a Real Meal out of it instead. You can go with the flow by eating the foods on my list. I can assure you it will rectify just about any type of buildup on the walls and in the tract of your colon.
I’m going to share with you my time tested and proven free-flowing personal “colon cleansing formula”. While experimenting with “the Munchies” I perfected this gastronomical delight over the course of many years. When consumed together these foods will not only clean-your-butt-out, you’ll also find it to be an abundant gas producer too! As a bonus you will find it also to be a real crowd pleaser teaser! It’s the bomb! Before you “go” with my recipe be sure you have a full day to relax and “Do Your Duty”. You will also want to make sure that the coast is clear. I do mean the whole coast, that is unless you want to pull a prank and punk someone or “Punk A Crowd“.
Begin this chore in the morning by opening all windows for ventilation, snuff all open flames around you, and then devour the foods on my list in a single sitting.
The Bomb: A Colon Cleansing Recipe
- Drink 2 regular 12 ounce beers, not the lite stuff.
- Eat a whopping portion, maybe even the full bag, of your favorite thick potato chips.
- Eat 8 to 10 ounces of your favorite flavored or plain yogurt with active cultures.
- Eat 1 to 2 cups of chili with beans, no meat.
- During the day snack on unsalted dry-roasted peanuts, dehydrated apricots or pears, and drink more beer.
**Note: Beer carries-out double-duty (groan). Alcohol in it relaxes you and your colon and the swill combines to create a key active cleansing ingredient when digested along with the other ingredients.
Your potty should start to boil in no time flatulence. Best you dawn your gasmask and double check for any open flames nearby. Then just sit-back near the head where you Will Not have the runs too far. It won’t be long before these carefully selected ingredients begin to work their magic. You’re sure to find this recipe to be detoxifying and double intoxicating, if you get my drift :-)
Crappy Party Punks
Looking for a dirty little “Bottoms Up” prank? Well, this one is the bomb! It’s a crazy outrageous way to punk a crowd. It’s a sure fire way to get on people’s sh-t list too. This one can clear a house or a yard. All you have to do is modify the above recipe into a party food platter loaded with finger food sized mini burritos. They’re delicious and nobody will know until it’s too late!
- First, crumple up the chips into crumbs, partially drain and lightly mash the chili & beans, roughly chop or break some dry-roasted peanuts into little pieces, and dice-up some dehydrated apricots. *Don’t skimp on the chips.
- Then stir and fold the above ingredients with yogurt.
- Let the ingredients stand refrigerated for about one-half hour.
- Your mixture should now be a thick chunky paste, not runny. Add more chips if you need to thicken.
- Optionally season with red-pepper hot sauce to spice it up.
- Lay out a flour tortilla, add your filling, and sprinkle with cheese.
- Don’t over fill or you’ll have a devil of a time cutting into small rolls.
- Roll-up the burritos and slice it up into appetizer sized rolls. Repeat until you have plenty for everyone.
- Let the party guests chase the burritos down with the beers they should already be drinking.
- Bottoms Up!
Notes: This prank works best if there is NOT a lot of other food available. The more they eat the greater the effect. Stay upwind to enjoy the fireworks, panic, and strained looks on guest faces. Have Fun! :-)
With a little contemplation you can probably come up with a number of other ways to create a blast with my recipes.